Paul Spillane asked me yesterday if I was burnt out yet. I didn't know it at the time, but I think the answer was yes. As soon as I woke up this morning, I knew I had just a few drops left in the tank. I was meant to be at the Rio at 12pm to check out the BBPers in Day 2a of the Main Event, but I was just so energy sapped that I ended up spending 90 minutes sitting in the shower before I managed to crawl my way out of the Hard Rock.
The Tournament of Champions didn't help. A couple of days prior I noticed that it was starting at 9am. I'd been out celebrating Rod's birthday and not hit the sack until 8am, so somehow I had to get my body clock back on course to rise at the ungodly hour of 7.30am. In the end, they pushed it back to 11am, but I'd already endured two five hour sleeps to adapt. The event took almost 16 hours to complete and was pretty tiring. Since then, I haven't had a day off, picking up five or six hours of sleep a night. Eventually, it catches up with you. I'm not Maggie Thatcher, my body can't work efficiently without a good night's sleep. Just ask Dana, if she thought nookie was sparse before, then this week has been like the Nevada desert.
I've completely lost track of time. I don't know what day or date it is, and I have no idea what's been happening in the UK. The Rio is so cut off from the outside world that's it's easy to lose touch. I do know that this week saw the Main Event kick off though with a number of Black Belt Poker players hitting to the felt. Two of them came last minute. At the start of the week, Neil sent me a message that he'd offered to stake Blue Belts into the Main Event and that Jamie Burland and Kevin Williams had accepted the offer. I wasn't tilted, but it did depress me a little as a Blue Belt myself. Every year I tell myself that next year I'll make my debut in the Main Event, but every year I end up standing on the sidelines with a notepad and pen. Sometimes it's hard to realise a dream when your job is to report on those realising their dream. Maybe next year, maybe not.
Each day starts with music blasting from the speakers and Jack Effel screaming into the microphone. You have to admire his enthusiasm, although I do witness unified sniggers when he declares that everyone is a winner just for participating. Try telling that to the guy who bust out after five minutes with a flush and straight draw versus a set. Greg Raymer, similarly, tried to pump everyone up by saying this was the big one before announcing shuffle up and deal. He exited on Level 1. Phil Gordon took to the mike on one of the other days; he lasted five minutes too.
On Day 1D, this American footballer dude, Emmit Smith, blew the starting whistle, except instead of spouting the usual jargon, he said, "Shuffle and Play," which drew an expected chorus of chuckles. Jack tried to cover his ass, but it was too late, the dude had fucked up his only line. Now I think about it, Smith was out within the first level or two as well. Maybe there's a curse to this shuffle up and deal thing, and Smith was trying to dodge it by modifying the line. It didn't work.
Smith's apparently a big deal over here. I've only heard of John Madden, so I wasn't bothered. In fact, one of my hobbies for the Day 1s is trying to work out who the American celebrities being photographed are. A lot of them seem to be porn stars. If their Wikipedia starts with 'model and actress', then yeah, they take it doggy style for da crazy dimes. The poker industry's the natural step, obviously.
Jack Ury was back again this year. I know it sounds ridiculous to say, but boy, he's really aged over the last 12 months. At one point, I honestly thought his face was going to fall off. I spoke to a few railers, and they said he knew the score, what was going on, but was just a little slow, and was constantly being told it was his action. As expected, he's been badged up by Full Tilt which obviously looks a little odd. I'd love to see him playing Rush Poker. I wouldn't be surprised if FT buy him in every year - not sure I could wait until I was in my 90s before getting a sponsorship deal. Might have to though.
I spotted one guy in a wheelchair playing with a miniature chest on the felt. He had prongs attached to his hand which he used to move chips. When he received a card, he'd drag it up a ramp on the box and slide the top half of the card inside. Then he'd do the same with the other. I watched curiously for about 10 minutes and still couldn't work it out. Even the T.D.s seemed clueless. I asked Nolan, and he said that he wasn't sure, but had heard he was quadriplegic, which was weird because he could obviously move his arms. Isn't that cheating? I'm going to have to check the dictionary. Maybe he was bluffing and has (a diminutive in stature poker player who I won't name because I've already offended one too many people this year) in the box whispering advice. It would certainly explain why I haven't seen him this year.
The Main Event creates a buzz, but also douchebags. Even before the start you get people trying to get their one second of fame. They have cameras in the corridors filming people come in, and every minute or so someone will look into the camera and say something like, "Two weeks, baby!" or "You're looking at the winner, yeah!" Oh shut up, these guys never fucking win anything. That's one of the reasons why they're douchebags.
I must confess that I have been trying to edge into camera shot myself, not for ego, but just for my parents. It's the only way they see me these days. I'm almost 100 percent sure that Robert Williamson III's exit will make the cut with me lurking in the background. He put on such a performance. He's a charismatic guy, but this was so OTT that I felt like I was learning from one of the best. The guy hasn't won a tournament this millennium yet he's still regarded as a 'notable'. Gotta give him kudos. Maintaining a profile with no actual results at the table is a talent, and Robbie's got the skillz to pay the billz.
Of course, in the Kingdom of the Douchebags (I'm not including RW3 in that category by the way - he seems like a nice guy), Phil Hellmuth is King. I don't mind his entrances because they're entertaining, but I don't think he does it for entertainment value, it's pretty much ego. This is, of course, The Hellmuth Series of Poker. I don't want to write too much about it, but basically it was an MMA entrance with Bruce Buffer (brought in for more than my total wages, I imagine) doing the intro, with 10 (yep, not 11 - doh!) random birds holding aloft cardboard cutouts of bracelets as Hellmuth entered in UB boxing gear. Fun idea, but not the slickest execution. I think Buffer's microphone fucked up at one point, and they kinda fumble their way through the corridors. Did amuse me that Buffer had FT gear, especially as it's a UB gig. I almost expected random spectators to be badged up. No one's safe from the marketing machines these days, but I guess that topic will become more prominent later on.
During one break, I spotted a dude dressed as Chris Ferguson lingering around as players and rail departed. Every now and then, someone would think he was the actual Jesus (well, no, not the 'actual' Jesus, but you know what I mean) and request an autograph and photo, and he'd happily accept. I thought this was pretty scummy - maybe once for fun, but to keep taking advantage of people for little more than your own amusement seemed pretty pointless. On the same topic, French blogger Benjo is a dead ringer for Antonio Esfandiari and is sometimes mistaken for him. Brad Pitt has the same problem with me, but you know, we've just learned to live with it. People make mistakes.
Living a diet of RedBull and cereal bars is probably one of them.
Previous Blog Entries:
May 23: My Old School Teacher
May 31: Welcome to America; Let the Institutionalising Begin
June 1: Pleasure & Pain
June 5: 100% British Beef
June 9: Alphabetti Spaghetti & Giant Meatballs
June 13: Colour Me Up
June 14: The Crying Game
June 20: Last Gasps
June 25: Dancing With the Devil
June 30: The End of a Streak
WSOP Reports:
Employee of the Month
Fairytale Endings
Must Be Nice
Make Mine a Double
Blonde on Blonde
Summer of Sam
Chuft to Bits
Under the Radar
Taking Notice
BBP Braced for WSOP Main Event
WSOP Main Event - Day 1A
WSOP Main Event - Day 1B
WSOP Main Event - Day 1C
WSOP Main Event - Day 1D
Sites/blogs I read:
blonde Poker 'Feed Your Wild Side' Thread
Hard Boiled Poker
Pokerati
Pot Committed
Riding the F Train
Tao of Poker
Wicked Chops Poker
Sites/blogs I would read if they weren't in a foreign language:
Las Vegas, Off the Record