It was around November of last year that Marc 'The Conv' Convey said he was going to be spending a bit of holiday time around Thailand/Asia before heading out to work on the Aussie Millions coverage. I myself had plans on spending Christmas and New Year in Thailand and hopefully making a few visits to Macau for old times' sake… and to print some fresh Hong Kong dollars. We promised to try and cross paths at some point but alas our plans were such that it wasn't possible, which was a shame.
However, I mentioned to Marc that many people had recommended a town named Pai in the very north of Thailand which virtually kissed the Burmese border, but I'd never quite got round to visiting. He'd been there himself and had great things to say for it, and after recommending a guesthouse to stay at I decided that I would make sure I got there this time around.
A friend of mine named Alex and her son Harry were also coming out to Thailand around the same time and it was their first time visiting the country so I was keen to tag along with them for a couple of weeks and suggest places to go and things to do. We flew up to Chiang Mai together, a city far north in Thailand that was a couple of hours' drive from Pai. I've been to Chiang Mai three or four times already and never tired of the amazing whitewater rafting, which we naturally partook of during our visit.
We booked a bus to Pai and I took it upon myself to purchase some items of clothing that I felt would not only make Aladdin green with envy but would also be the vogue in Pai. They were neither; much to your disappointment, I have no photos to show how dashing I looked. Maybe check the next issue of GQ Magazine. Or maybe not.
The drive to Pai was pretty cool with views to die for. A group of English guys travelling up with us were excited to learn that Alex was currently on Hollyoaks playing the role of Tara; much amusement was had that week on the roasting Alex received on Twitter from angry teenage fans of the show that disapproved of Tara seducing one of the popular male characters in the show. If anything, one would have thought it was a relief that the producers were finally seeing sense and actually drafting in people that can act. Too harsh?
The Aqua resort, as Marc recommended, was the absolute perfect place to stay. Pai is pretty small, but the resort was just out of town so in a quiet location and the owner, a Thai guy nicknamed 'Den' was probably the most genuine Thai person I have ever met. He went way above the call of duty to make our stay as enjoyable as possible, and he invited us to dinner every night where his resident chef would cook up a storm: Thai green curries, BBQ's; coconut rice steamed in bamboo which we would wash down with Thai whisky around an open fire in the evenings, as evenings in the north of Thailand in December are very much on the chilly side.
We took a day trekking deep into the jungle to spend an evening in a tiny village with the 'Lahu' tribe. It's another great experience I would recommend to anyone who visits Thailand; I've done a similar trek twice before in Chiang Mai, and always loved it. Along the way, our guide demonstrated a few of the many things bamboo can be used for. He created a makeshift kettle and cups for all of us - we were joined on the trek by an amazing 60-plus year old lady who was travelling alone and a young Dutch guy - and using water from the fresh stream and tealeaves that he sickled from a 120-foot tree (okay, the tea was pre-purchased), he made us the most amazing cup of tea that flooded in memories of my grandparents from Iran who have long passed.
On another occasion, we were taught how to start a fire with just two pieces of bamboo; it was hard work that encouraged a sweat and I made a mental note that should I for some reason decide to go on a mission of self-discovery deep into the jungle, a box of matches would be on the list.
The stars are just amazing on a clear night at that altitude. The sky was awash with sparkly diamonds and a shooting star would pass by every few minutes. We slept that evening in a hut made of - you guessed it - bamboo. We slept pretty well given there was an icy wind trespassing on all possible occasions through various nooks and crannies, plus the fact that the fire that our dinner was created on two hours' previous was still smoldering in the corner and a particularly strong gust of wind might have reaffirmed just how good bamboo is for setting things ablaze.
I awoke shortly after 6 a.m. to find our 'grandma' of the group casually relaxing in a handstand. She stayed put, strong and unmoving, for several minutes and explained after that it really helps to wake her up and get her ready for the day ahead. I briefly considered asking the village elder if he'd supplied her with a little dose of opium which he was apparently partial to himself, then thought better of it. As I said, the lady was an amazing woman and seemingly had more energy than the rest of us.
When we returned to Pai, strange things began to happen. We went for an elephant trek and 10 minutes in, after spying a particularly juicy tree that our elephant decided to uproot for a mid-day snack, Alex and Harry fell off. I managed to stay on only because I was nearest the front and had a rope to grab hold of, but I pulled my left calf in doing so. Alex and Harry were okay but in some measure of pain, and it most certainly could have been a lot worse.
Later that day, Harry cut his foot open on a rusty nail that was jutting out from a plank of wood around the swimming pool area. Den suspected we had brought a spirit down from the mountains with us, and that is was either an evil spirit that wanted to do us harm, or a good spirit that didn't want us to leave. Every time I went to bed I felt there was something around me, or watching me. That was probably more psychological having heard Den's take on the situation, but it was enough that I decided to lace the last of my evenings in Pai with a friendly spirit of my own - whisky.
We moved on to Koh Tao, a small island off Koh Samui, just before Christmas. The Internet was causing me major problems and I hadn't played poker for a while so was keen to at least pad up the expenses fund. I considered the 'evil spirit' to actually be the start of a period of general run-bad, and tried to embrace it as best I could.
Christmas was fun but not easy; it was the first time in my life I have spent it away from the family. Eating breakfast on the beach in your shorts might appeal to some whilst being somewhat surreal at the same time, but as I drank coffee while listening to 'Fairytale of New York' by the Pogues on YouTube I made a conscious decision that 2011 would be the only Christmas I would ever be away from my family. My big sis Zoe had forced me to take a traditional 'selection box' for Christmas morning and some crackers to open at dinner, which was quite sweet. We were definitely the envy of all the other Brits during dinner when we were spotted donning silly paper hats and trading even sillier jokes.
Alex and Harry decided to explore another island whilst I decided I'd head to Phuket where my brother Izzy was currently based, taking some time out from his plush penthouse lifestyle in Mexico to train. I'd planned to travel and meet him on New Year’s Eve so we could see the year out in style at the best nightclub in Phuket.
I got the ferry over to Koh Samui and had the last flight booked out to Phuket that evening. I was hoping the 'evil spirit' (or the period of run-bad) had passed, but I was slightly apprehensive because I still got that feeling that someone other than the huge resident cockroach was in the room with me at night, and slept with the light on most evenings.
Needless to say I pulled up at the airport just in time... to see my flight jet off into the sky. I then learnt that every flight out of Koh Samui was fully booked for the next two weeks, and I'd have to get a standby ticket. I was however pretty confident there would be plenty of poor souls bound for Phuket that would be stranded on Koh Phangan the next morning following the Full Moon Party, so wasn't too concerned.
I decided to go with the flow, booked into a room on Chaweng Beach and set to making plans for the evening. Action Dave was rumoured to be in the area so I thought it would be fun to catch up with him, but he made a mistake with his phone number and I couldn't get in touch. Sigh - the run bad was continuing. I was determined to make something of the evening so I went to a restaurant that had a huge hog roasting on a spit outside. I couldn't help but imagine Russ Cochran going weak at the knees just at the sight. I feasted on hog, an entire Alaskan King Crab and a bottle of champagne then headed tipsily back to my resort and booked onto a boat going over to Koh Phangan for the Full Moon Party.
The circus-act that is getting onto one of the many speedboats taking you the half-hour journey to Phangan is diabolical at the best of times, but being New Year’s Eve you can imagine the rush. A huge chunk of the 30,000-plus people expected on the island come over from Samui. It took me a two-hour wait and a chunky bar bill before I managed to get a seat. The boat left at about 23:40, 20 minutes off the New Year. It was just poetic that my bad luck had one last trick up his sleeve this year - as the clock struck midnight I was halfway between Samui and Phangan on a boatful of strangers, and could just see the fireworks setting the sky alight on both islands, but the noise was drowned by the ugly growl of the boat’s engine.
As it happens, I was pretty sensible at the party and managed to make the flight to Phuket. I say sensible; I won't elaborate simply because I don't remember a great deal of the night - I did wake with a huge luminous 7-Eleven sign painted on my back which was fun, even if it did take several showers to shift.
I was hoping this change of scenery would bring a welcome change of luck. Or maybe this fabled spirit that we brought down from the mountains would, quite frankly, do one. I'm pretty open-minded about these things but I'm as much of a believer in freaky coincidence as I am in the supernatural. So I'll let you be the judge of this last story.
A couple of days after settling into Phuket, I get a message on my Facebook from a friend of mine called Kevin. He said, ''Dude, ya email has been hacked. Got a couple of obviously suspicious emails from you.'' I checked my inbox and it was full of 'Delivery Failure' reports, and indeed had been hacked.
He was the first and only person to let me know that day, which is why a chill ran down my spine when later that same evening the following picture and message appeared on his own Facebook page:
''Bit of an accident... Bit shaken, not dead''
It's been a fun and eventful month but I'm hoping things will be back to normal soon. There's a lot of bad luck in the air, and though I have taken it in 'good spirit', I feel like I've had more than my fair slice of the Pai.