Obama Folds
In total, 6,494 turned up for the 2009 WSOP Main Event to create a total prize pool of $61,043,600, but one man who didn’t take his seat was Barack Obama. Yes, despite Richard Sklar’s assurance that the US President would be taking time away from international relations and economy reconstruction to partake in a spot of Hold’em, the democratic leader chagrined us all and decided that there were more important issues at hand. Shocking.
But as we sniggered under our paws at the mere prospect, Richard Sklar was in fact quite serious and even placed two wagers on Obama’s presence with Chris Ferguson and Phil Gordon which threatened to pay out $1.2 million for a mere $50 investment. Whilst this may seem like a waste of 50 bucks, Sklar is an independently wealthy man and so during a charity event in which he met Obama, duly invited the President to the Rio in return for one million dollars of his own money being donated to charity. Brandishing morality as his weapon of choice, Sklar had laid down the killer card, the joker of the pack – the morale dilemma – and subsequently covered his tracks with two cleverly placed prop bets. Obama even replied, “I might just take you up on that offer.”
So, the question remained, would Obama turn up? “Never gonna happen. We just don’t have the security,” grumbled some. “Surely the President won’t deny a charity of a million dollars, he’s only got to play one hand,” cried others. Did he play? Pah. He folded like an origami champion. Maybe he’s holding out for WSOPE…
The Who’s That of Poker
Obama may have ducked the Series, but there were plenty of celebs who were more than happy to bandwagon for a week:
Deep breath...
Chuck Pachenco
Jason Alexander
Scott Ian
Shane Warne
Torrie Wilson
John Salley
Patrick Bruel
Lou Diamond Phillips
Marlon Wayans
Jordan Farmar
Sam Simon
Joseph Kahn
Ray Romano
Sully Erna
Shannon Elizabeth
Brad Garrett
Jennifer Tilly
Orel Hershiser
Come on, own up, how many of these ‘celebrities’ did you recognise, and you get bonus points – and a degree of shame - if you identified the wrestler? I managed seven. But whilst the Main Event resembled the line-up for next year’s celebrity Big Brother, the Ante Up for Africa charity event (yes, the one you shouldn’t play unless you’re willing to donate your winnings) featured rather more star-studded faces such as thespians Matt Damon, Ben Affleck (plenty of spare time these days), Don Cheadle and Chad Brown (hey, he was cast in the timeless classic Basket Case 2!)
As you might have guessed, celebrities aren’t my cup of tea. Although in many ways they are good for the promotion of the game, the very idea that someone can freeroll an event that so many would give their right arm (one guy gave both arms one year, if I recall correctly) simply based on their name and fame from another industry. Everyone on the same platform? It would appear not; the bandwagon bears a bumpy surface.
Too Little, Too Late
Fucking up the colour-up a few years back was a problem, and a bad one; having to turn away players on Day 1D this year was also a problem, but a good one. Of course, it’s never productive to send people on their bikes – and bad PR to those who’ve travelled far – but it least reflected an impresssive maintenance of numbers amid economic turmoil. In fact, Harrah’s claimed that circa 500 players were refused entry, so numbers would have been up from last year, but it was a decision they didn’t make lightly – for Harrah’s to refuse money, the decision must have been tougher than a two dollar steak. They even turned away TJ Cloutier and Patrick Antonius, although. I do wonder whether the same would have applied to the likes of Ivey, Brunson and Hellmuth. My answer would be simple: you’ve had fucking ages to register, and three other days to choose from! My customer service skills are somewhat lacking.
When In Vegas…
Phil Hellmuth’s always been the quiet type, never one to gloat, moan or make a show of himself. So, it was with great surprise that he turned up to his opening day dressed from head to toe in Roman garb with wreath, open toe sandals and, curiously, what appeared to be a dead animal wrapped around his neck. As he was escorted through the car park on a sedan chair carried by four burly men (surely the pinnacle of their soon to be short-lived modelling careers), he reminded me of Michael Jackson at the Brit Awards. I almost expected Jarvis Cocker to jump onto the sedan chair and suggest that Hellmuth was speaking from his anus. I guess TJ was at a loose end and could have snapped up the role.
After descending from his throne, Hellmuth was escorted to the Amazon Room – fashionably late, of course – by a long line of scantily clad felines, all of whom were dressed in Romanesque garb with the Ultimate Bet logo painted on their backs. “Kiss my ring,” commanded the Poker Brat. Er… I think I’ll pass. Love him or hate him, the 11-time bracelet winner sure knows how to make an impact and is the master of self-publising. The WSOPE is fast approaching, and I have a sneaking suspicion that Henry VIII will experience a temporary rebirth.
Jack-ed Up
At the ripe old age of 96, Jack Ury bettered his own record from the year prior to become the Main Event’s oldest ever player – yes, he has 20 years on that young, Internet upstart Brunson! According to the horse’s mouth, he’s been playing since 1923 at the age of 10, and is rumoured to have been present when Wild Bill perished at the table. But despite his years, Full Tilt showed no hesitation in logo-ing him up, sticking a cap on his wrinkly bonce and making him look like a multi-tabling, four-bet shoving, lol donkaments whiz kid.
According to one source, “Jack has little or no vision in the one eye, and only 20 percent in the other. On top of that he can only hear out of one ear.” I used to play against someone like that at Gala Casino, Nottingham– he’d elbow me and ask me what the flop was, and whatever I said he’d bet out. I don’t think Jack followed that philosophy, however, as he made it through to Day Two, mostly, I imagine, folding and smiling to the camera. I suppose it’s better than spending your day watching Last of the Summer Wine repeats and sucking on herbal mints.
to be continued…